Perks of Getting Older
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you
- You are likely to be released first in a hostage situation
- No one expects you to run – anywhere
- People calling at 8pm as “Did I wake you?”
- You’re no longer viewed as a hypochondriac
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way
- Things you buy now won’t wear out
- You can eat supper at 5pm
- You can live without sex but not without your glasses
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size
- You cannot remember where you got this list
- You don’t even notice this list is in large print for your convenience
GOD’S PLAN FOR AGING AWESOMELY
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things – thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older
9. Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
8. Life is sexually transmitted.
7. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
6. Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
3. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
2. In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
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